Ian

Mark dressing up as an ANGEL

Have not met up with these guys for quite a number of mths oredi. Ian says he has put on weight. Mark has slimmed down so much. Well he had to coz it took him mths to work for this body for Halloween nite.

Been mths since I've clubbed. We went in bout 11.30pm and once the music starts rolling I danced all the way till 3.30am.

Well it's quite a work out for the nite.

Received a sms from Henry on Friday afternoon.

"You had your revenge... I hope you are happy"

How many times do I have to tell you? Revenge is something I would not even think of it. But I guess you would never ever understand that. It doesn't matter anymore. As long as you are happy with wat you think it's ok. Like I've said I've always wish the best for you. If you wish to think other wise I can't help it.

I did not reply his sms.

Received another sms from him again on Sat. nite while I was clubbing.

"I'm glad you got it over with. It's justice at last. To be dumped by you."

Can't imagine you could even say such childish stuff. To be dumped by me? Maybe it's really justice indeed for me. For me to keep you out of my life. For making my life simpler and easier. One lesser person for me to please and care about.

Maybe you really think I'm really a big fuck in your life but somehow or rather I dun feel it at all. All I can ever felt is I'm just there for you when you are having some fucking problems with Shannen and your life. Have you ever really been there for me when I really needed someone to talk to? I guess it has always been a one way street all this while.

I really hate to make this decision. We have been thru so much just to settle in this friendship. You can put it that I'm the one that destroy it. A closure would definitely do the both of us good.

It's Henry's birthday today. He was not exactly feeling good a few days before. sms him yesterday to check on him to see if he is alright. No reply from him. sms him again today. no reply from him. Tried calling him but he hung up on me the first time. I was kinda worried and I tried calling him the second time. He answered but told me he's in a car and will talked to me later. Asked him why didn't he replied the excuse he gave was if he has the chance he would. Of all the excuses he used such a lame one? I can't believe it. How long would it take you to key in "I'm ok."??? It's just a matter whether you want to do it or not.

Well I guess he must be BZ or well at least enjoying himself on this special day of his. Guess what I got from him? Telling me that I had the chance too but i gave it up.

I'm really disappointed in him. What the hell is he thinking of? A mere concern for him as a friend and this is what I get. Does he really think he's such a big FUCK?

I'm really beginning to think that what he says might be good. A closure for us might just do the trick. Put an end to my misery for being kind and showing concern as a friend. I treated him as a good friend but does he? Mine's a genuine concern for him but is his genuine too? I just dun see why should I put up being hurt by him again and again. Well I don't see the need to find out anymore. Should have just kept you out of my life sooner.

Thanks for making me realise it today.

Played Hotel with Sandy, Li Ming and Peter till bout 4 plus and ya! I was the ultimate winner. Previously played Monopoly with them and I've managed to win too.

Peter had a flat tyre and he had to changed it. By the time I reached home it's already 5.15am.

Gosh! I had arranged for a swimming session @ 11am with Raymond. Almost could not wake up. Reached the pool @ 11.10am. Ya! I was late. Started my 30 lap swim. Boy! I felt so heavy & lethargic. I can't seems to move in water. Completed my laps in 55mins. Looks like I've got to work harder to hit 30 in 40 mins.

Weighing @ 91kg today.

Feeling sleepy today. Do not know if it's the haze affecting.

Doing everything so slowly. Unable to concentrate well. Feeling restless.

Weighing @ 91.5kg today.

May have to start getting some new clothes. Some of my shorts and tops are getting a bit too loose.

Recently I've been trying to control my feelings. Quite unwilling to just let them go. Doubts are running all over my head.

I'm feeling so tired with my feelings. Do not know how to handle them anymore. I'm afraid. Afraid I would make a wrong decision. I'm afraid I would hurt myself and hurt others.

Should I react or just stay neutral? Fear is creeping in slowly. I'm quite so afraid to react. Should I just stay away? Is the person here with the right reason or just to fill up that temporary relieve. I'm all confused. I've got no one to turn to except here.

Wake up Karen. Wake up. Think straight! Get the right things done! Don't let your feelings rule your head. You just want a simple life. Nothing fanciful. Just needed someone true.

Dedicated to me by Henry.

Not much idea how should I look at it. How true are these lyrics? I wonder how would Shannen feel. Hmm... this came too late. How come I dun feel anything? If I had this when we were together I'll be so touched but well... Thanks for your kind thots. I do appreciate your concern for me.

Hey... dun worry bout me k. Tho I'm on diet now but I'm eating healthy and I'm also excercising. Besides I'm having someone guiding me on my excercise now so I should be quite alright. =) It's just a matter of getting used to the new eating habits thats all. I'm coping well.

"Just.. Just.. Just for me

Jealousy!

Jealousy!

I will show you the way and so you'll know me alone
And now you're trying to tell me what is my jealousy
all that means to me

You believe in my heart and i can lose my control
You will be in my mind so i can give you my honesty or my fantasy
Another woman, another woman for Jealousy

I die for easy love today
I feel my love with you must stay
just a lover for me, just a moment to feel,
just the woman for me

You have said it to me and never leave me alone
I'll come in your arms you'll be forever in my memory
Kiss me suddenly
Another woman, another woman for me

I live in your face and i see the love in your eyes
i love you so much you stay with me tonight
every night, every night, every night, every night
Every night with my Jealousy

I die for easy love today
I feel my love with you must stay
just the lover for me, just the moment to feel,
just the woman for me

I die for easy love today
I feel my love with you must stay
just the lover for me, just the moment to feel,
just the woman for me
I know you're the best i love

Jealousy!

Jea.. Jealousy

Just.. Just.. Just for me

Jealousy!

I die for easy love today
I feel my love with you must stay
just the lover for me, just the moment to feel,
just the woman for me
I know you're the best i love

Jealousy!

I die for easy..
I feel your passion..
I want to hold you now you can stay near to me..
I die for needing..
I feel forever..
I want your heart and now..
I wanna go away.."

Had a great swim today. Swam 40 laps. Raymond told me to try swimming 30 laps in 40 mins. Guess I missed that target today. Swam 30 laps in 50 mins. Am a lousy swimmer but I'm sure I'll improved in time to come and with his advise on my swimming technique.

Saw Celine today at Bugis Junction. Had not seen her for a long time. I'm happy at something that she said. She told me that I've lost quite a bit of weight. I remembered the last time I saw her at Suntec she commented that I've put on weight. Glad that my weight lost program is working & it's showing =)

Raymond brought me to makan "chou tou fu". Finally had the chance to try it. hmmm... it wasn't so smelly eating it but after we had finished our food, the cooking of the tou fu gave out some kinda smell which eermmm... I find a bit smelly *sheepish smile*

Weighing @ 93.3kg today.

Was talking to someone about travelling. It brings back some memories when I was in States bout 4 years ago.

2 pictures of Grand Canyon which I've taken when I was in Arizona. Love it there. It gives me a feeling of being alone & free! Just in the arms of mother nature. Away from the crowd, away from all the fake and hypocritical stuff and pple.

Long to be back to the arms of mother nature.

Have been shutting myself away from pple for quite some time now. I wonder when will I be getting back on track and start meeting up with pple. I think it's high time for me to just get away from Singapore. Guess the air is stale here in Singapore. I need a recharge. Time to get away! Should I just sail to Bintan again? Hmmm... maybe I should.

Dieting and Excercising is such a torture. Its not easy but I'll perservere.

Just felt that it's really time that I do something about it before I grow old and die UGLY.

Many tells me that I've nice features. The only thing that this comment basically just stopped there is coz of my size. I'm FAT. I get guys telling me if I slim down they will definitely woo me for sure. Haahaa! I find this a real joke. If I were to slim down what makes them so sure that I'll want them? Anyway thats beside the point. My real point is that I just want to be really gorgeous for once. From head to toe.

It's really tough to lose weight. I really swear that if I really succeeded in losing my weight I swear that I'm not going to be fat ever again! Losing weight KILLS!

Weighing 94.2kg now.

Weight going down slow and steady. Am getting use to my 1000 calories diet.

Targetting to hit 88kg by 1 Nov.

Working very hard now.

Hmmm... Just found out that when ladies are having their menses, they will start weighing at least 800 grams heavier! Duh! For those who are dieting, your weight will be stagnant or you'll gain a bit.

Not to worry too much. When it's over, it's back to normal! *grinZ*

Recently I'm on a strict 1000 cal diet. It's tough. I keep feeling hungry. But the 1000 cal diet is working on me.

I was 98.1kg. Now i'm only 95.4kg and it has only been 3 days. I'm excited. I'm working on something hope that things will work out.

Praying hard!